In the United States, people generally get three weeks of vacation a year. But for us immigrant families, who feel the draw to go home and visit, it is hard to balance using the vacation to go “home” vs traveling to new and exciting places. Once you add some children to the mix, you often feel the pull even more, but are working with less budget and more time constraints. However, going home doesn’t mean you don’t get to have a vacation. There are many ways to combine the thrill of travel with visiting what feels like a familiar place, and along the way you may find you are teaching your kids something you never expected.
Growing up, I remember having a family vacation every year, and that’s how I remember them, as family vacations. But looking back I realize that pretty much every other trip was to Puerto Rico or Honduras, or South Carolina, or Connecticut, all the places where we had family. But they never felt like boring trips that we did over and over again. They always felt like something new and an adventure. As I grew up, with my extended family 3,000+ miles away from my closer family, I spent some time thinking about what my parents did to instill the love of travel while still keeping the connection when we travel over and over again to the same place.
Create traditions that are associated with these family visits
Every time we fly to New Jersey, we stop at the same bagel shop near my fathers’ house and pick up Bacon, Egg and Cheese on the bagels of choice for each of this. It’s something special my kids have learned to associate with New Jersey. We visit pretty much every summer, and always make a trip to the beach.
Most people don’t think of New Jersey as a top vacation spot. And, let’s face it. When visiting your childhood home, it comes with heavy expectations of who you are (or were) and sometimes judgements as to what you are doing with life (us children of immigrants hold a lot of expectations of our future that our parents sacrificed for). Sometimes that makes coming back hard, and maybe even mundane. But having these traditions helps me have things to look forward to. It helps put me in a good mood and reminds me why I love and continue to come back over and over again.
My children don’t have the weight of expectations, they just love spending time with their abuelos, tías and tíos, and pequeños primos. That’s all part of the fun. But the traditions we have established help elevate this into a vacation they always remember. I know my parents had the same weight when they visited their home countries. But I never saw that on their faces. I remember the walks to the corner store to get sugarcane water like my mom told me about from her childhood. These traditions made vacation to visit family feel like a family vacation.
Explore the local traditions, cultures, and history of the places you visit
I remember being about 8 or 9 years old and visiting a small square in Vega Baja in Puerto Rico on one of our many family vacations. My tío took the time to show me the statue of Concepción de Gracia, a famous civil rights lawyer who fought for the rights of Puerto Ricans all over the island and in the United States and founded the Puerto Rican Independence Party. Turns out he was related to my grandfather!
Every vacation we took care to visit history museums, learn about the local foods, and visit the local churches. When I had my own family, I wanted to instill the same respect and sense of curiosity for the places we visit. My kids learned about the Revolutionary War, and we talked about important battles and places in that war that took place in New Jersey, not far from where we were staying. When we are in India, we visit temples, and learn about namaskaram, the act of bowing to your elders and asking for their blessings. My kids are as comfortable eating sambar and yogurt rice with their hands at any Indian relative’s house as they are eating pernil and fried plantains in New Jersey with their Puerto Rican family. This is a direct result of making sure that when we visit family, we ensure that our kids are learning about their culture, the culture of where we are, and how to respect and appreciate what they are immersed in. They take those lessons with them when they are traveling to a totally new place and are always interested in learning about a culture that is totally different from their own.
Explore a new place every time you go
When I was younger, I must have done five to seven trips to Honduras. Every time we flew in and out of Honduras and saw the same host of family members. But I still remember being excited because we still always did something new. One of the more memorable times was when my dad had us stay an extra week so we could drive to Copan and see the ancient Mayan ruins. Another time, we went to the west coast of Honduras and stayed in an empty resort just so my sister and I could say we’ve been to the Pacific Ocean.
Today my kids go to New Jersey at least once a year. But we ALWAYS try to add something new. We’ve done several trips to New York City, but we always try to add in a new place, neighborhood, or element. The latest was their first Broadway show, where they saw Wicked in the famous Gershwin Theater. When the kids were little, it was my husband and I who made the conscious effort to make sure the kids got to do something new every time we visited. Now that the kids are older, they have an opinion, and like to help come up with what new place they want to visit. Making a point of finding something new lets you explore a place familiar to you and teaches your kids to keep that sense of curiosity and exploration.
Make sure to still make it a vacation
Again, with the weight of expectations, sometimes visiting family can feel hectic. With the ability to work remotely, sometimes it can just feel like another day, just in a different place. But remember that when you have little ones, they are watching you and how you act. Make sure to make your vacation to see family just that, a vacation. Maybe it’s staying (even if it’s just a night or two) at a hotel with a fun pool. Maybe it’s leaving the kids at home with los abuelos so you and your significant other can go out for food and dance. Maybe it’s taking time to go to the local beach, or amusement park, or take a hike in the beautiful local mountain or jungle. One of my favorite memories was during one of our drives in Honduras, my parents paid for us to spend the afternoon at the local resort’s hotel pool. While my parents sat in a chair and ate food and sipped beers, my sister and I had a blast doing cannon balls off the diving board and swimming our cares away. We were just carefree, able to enjoy the day, and my parents looked more relaxed than they usually were. Those are the core memories that I carry with me today and help shape how I want to raise my kids.
That draw to go “home”, to show your children where you, and by extension they, come from is powerful. Even with the invention of Zoom and WhatsApp, it’s not the same as feeling the warm embrace of los abuelos, the smell of fresh tortillas being made at home, or the sound of rain coming down in the jungle. Looking at my kids, I knew I wanted them to understand both sides of their culture and to visit where each of their parents grew up. It’s not always easy using our limited vacation days to go to the same place over and over when we both feel the draw to do something new. But seeing how much my kids understand and respect family has made it worth it. These tips have helped us all keep our sanity, and make it feel like new and exciting travel each and every time we travel “home”.
Edited By SKS
* Starred Photos taken by Atma Photography
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